Planet Dark Ages: Stupid Blonde Girl Jokes! - Planet Dark Ages

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Stupid Blonde Girl Jokes! Yep

#1 User is offline   Ives 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 06:07 PM

There once was a girl.

She called me to get my phone number
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate"
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind
She got stabbed in a shoot out
She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
She sat on the TV and watched the couch
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it
She tried to drown a fish
She thought a quarterback was a refund
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death they had to burn the school down to get her out of the third grade
She tripped over a cordless phone
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
At the bottom of her application form where it says "sign here"... she put
Scorpio
She asked for a price check at the dollar store
It took her 2 hours to watch 60 minuites
If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speachless
She studied for a bloodtest
She sold her car for gas money
When she saw the nightclub sign said "under 17 not permitted", she went home and got 16 friends
She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instesd
When she was going to the airport she saw a sign that said "airport left" so she turned around and went home

add more please

This post has been edited by Ives: 01 March 2004 - 06:10 PM

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#2 User is offline   Draq 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 06:16 PM

How do you know a blonde is having a horrible day?




Her tampon is behind hear ear and she's looking for her pencil.

ownt =(
RAWR =D

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#3 User is offline   Numbpost 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 06:22 PM

How do you know a blonde has been using your computer?
The Joystick is wet :(



How do you confuse a blond?
put her in a circular room and tell her to pee in a corner

How does a blond confuse you?
she comes back and says she did it.
My signature was too long.
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#4 User is offline   PrizA 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 06:32 PM

A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes."

She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."
---
Why did the 3 blondes jump off the building?
They wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings
---
What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A brunette with bad breath.
---
Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?
In case she had to draw some blood.
---
How can you tell a blond has been working at a computer?
There is white out all over the screen.
---
Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"
---
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
---
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"Why, officer?" asks the blonde.

"Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed."

"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"
---
How do blondes' braincells die?
Alone.

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#5 User is offline   Nigma 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 06:45 PM

i dont like blondes :nod:
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#6 User is offline   Ives 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 07:38 PM

Nigma, on Mar 1 2004, 08:45 PM, said:

i dont like blondes :nod:

they is ebil :(
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#7 User is offline   Cronee 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 07:43 PM

How do you drown a blonde?







Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
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#8 User is offline   PypruS 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 07:46 PM

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. Copper is a brown-red color, correct? This is scientific evidence to back up blonde jokes!
Can't take a hint.
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#9 User is offline   Avilion 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 07:51 PM

I like my women like I like my coffee: all ground up and in the freezer.

Oh wait, blonde jokes...


What do you call a bunch of blondes standing shoulder to shoulder? A wind tunnel.

What do you call blondes in the freezer? Frosted flakes.

This post has been edited by Avilion: 01 March 2004 - 07:51 PM

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#10 User is offline   Ives 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 08:20 PM

Avilion, on Mar 1 2004, 09:51 PM, said:

I like my women like I like my coffee: all ground up and in the freezer.

Oh wait, blonde jokes...


What do you call a bunch of blondes standing shoulder to shoulder? A wind tunnel.

What do you call blondes in the freezer? Frosted flakes.

Do you have any blonde baby jokes?
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#11 User is offline   SiLo 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 09:04 PM

Closest I could find on teh google Ives:

A young blonde comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?"

"Yes, dear," replied her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it.

"But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?"

NOW BACK TO CALL OF DUTY WEEEEEEEEEEEE

This post has been edited by Velketor: 01 March 2004 - 09:05 PM

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#12 User is offline   ketri 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 09:14 PM

Bah~ Such mean men, since when dont guys like blondes? If thats the case, maybe I will dye my hair brown! But brown...bleh... I like blonde hair... methinks Akuji likes my blonde hair tho so screw you guys ;( ~oi i was reading my favorite joke to Akuji last night ;p ..

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little [filtered] on your knee!''

Edit- I dont even get some of these jokes... so mean people making fun of blondes. :( Im a blonde and cracked my head open on the sidewalk when I was little and i STILL got a 23 on my ACT so :P

This post has been edited by ketri: 01 March 2004 - 09:15 PM

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#13 User is offline   SolanaLein 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 10:44 PM

PypruS, on Mar 1 2004, 10:46 PM, said:

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. Copper is a brown-red color, correct? This is scientific evidence to back up blonde jokes!

Everyone's hair is red, its different pigments that make other hair colours. People with red hair have no pigment.

Craziepoo said:

CRAZIEPOO POPS OUT OF A TREE AND SAYZ "HELLO HEHAEH. WHAT ARE U GUYZS DOINGS CAN I JOIN YA QUEST? IM A LEVEL 2932095830 WARRIOR MAGE THATS THE STRNGEST OF ALL."
::Crazieepoo rolls the 24-sided die and frowns grimly. He shoots himself with the crossbow ((irl.)):: CONTINUE

JubeiX said:

Kogepan, because it's scorched, sour and hard, throwing everything he finds, always sad, doesn't think, easy to depress, sleeps when it's mad. A day of a kogepan: Sleeps sometimes...changes sides; a little exercise! Resigns to the bread people, but soooometimes, looks straight.
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#14 User is offline   Avilion 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 11:29 PM

SolanaLein, on Mar 1 2004, 11:44 PM, said:

Everyone's hair is red, its different pigments that make other hair colours. People with red hair have no pigment.

-_-
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#15 User is offline   Morpork 

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Posted 01 March 2004 - 11:43 PM

PrizA, on Mar 1 2004, 08:32 PM, said:

[color=blue]A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes."

She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."
---
etc etc..

Aren't you a blonde irl? o.o

This post has been edited by morpork: 01 March 2004 - 11:44 PM

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#16 User is offline   LillyAngel 

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Posted 02 March 2004 - 12:15 AM

How do you get a blonde to turn off the lights?
Shut the car door.

What do you call a blonde with hair dyed brown?
Artifical Intelligence.
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#17 User is offline   Avilion 

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Posted 02 March 2004 - 02:13 AM

What does a blonde say during a porno?
There I am!!

What do blondes and turtles have in common?
Once they're on their back, they're screwed

What's the mating call for a blonde?
"I think I'm getting drunk."

What does a blonde do first thing in the morning?
Introduces herself and goes home

What does a blonde say after sex?
"All you guys play for the same team?"

What does a blonde say when she gets pregnant?
"Gee, I hope it's mine!"
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#18 User is offline   Cypher 

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Posted 02 March 2004 - 04:32 AM

Ives, on Mar 1 2004, 07:07 PM, said:

She tried to drown a fish

Thats very possible.....
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Aesica, on Oct 17 2004, 04:57 AM, said:

Agreed.  Having boobs irl would be so much more fun. :D
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#19 User is offline   Vidred 

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Posted 02 March 2004 - 06:37 AM

Not a blonde joke but a joke none the less.

Whats the best thing about having sex with twenty nine year olds?












Theres Twenty of them.
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#20 User is offline   Draon 

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Posted 02 March 2004 - 06:41 AM

The best way to confuse a blonde is to give them a key ring that says 'Turn over for a joke', (and says 'Turn over for a joke' on the back). They'll be sitting there for a while :p
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups...
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#21 User is offline   Cronee 

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Posted 02 March 2004 - 07:11 AM

Vidred, on Mar 2 2004, 09:37 AM, said:

Not a blonde joke but a joke none the less.

Whats the best thing about having sex with twenty nine year olds?












Theres Twenty of them.

I hate jokes like this. Thats disgusting.
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#22 User is offline   Vidred 

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Posted 02 March 2004 - 07:33 AM

It sure is but your reaction is what makes it funny.
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Posted 02 March 2004 - 11:03 AM

Velketor, on Mar 1 2004, 10:04 PM, said:

Closest I could find on teh google Ives:

A young blonde comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?"

"Yes, dear," replied her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it.

"But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?"

NOW BACK TO CALL OF DUTY WEEEEEEEEEEEE

Haha, this is my favorite~
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#24 User is offline   Jimsen 

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Posted 02 March 2004 - 11:26 AM

A blonde driving down the road looks into a cornfield and sees another blonde out amoungst the corn sitting in a boat, rowing along. Seeing this really annoys the blonde in the car, so much so that she stops to says something. She gets out of her car and yells, "What are you doing out there? That's insane, you realize it's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name!"

"I'm so mad, I would come out there and smack you if I knew how to swim!!!"
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#25 User is offline   Laito 

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Posted 02 March 2004 - 12:01 PM

Vidred, on Mar 2 2004, 09:37 AM, said:

Not a blonde joke but a joke none the less.

Whats the best thing about having sex with twenty nine year olds?












Theres Twenty of them.

Actually the joke is -

What does Michael Jackson like about 28 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
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#26 User is offline   JubeiX 

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Posted 02 March 2004 - 12:33 PM

stop hatin on the blondes =/ nobody likes bigotry. You all might as well start making fun of each other's ethnicities.

buncha bullying savages =(

This post has been edited by JubeiX: 02 March 2004 - 12:38 PM

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#27 User is offline   PrizA 

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Posted 02 March 2004 - 05:41 PM

morpork, on Mar 1 2004, 11:43 PM, said:

Aren't you a blonde irl? o.o

Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a great Blond joke ^_^

EDIT: Holy god you still remember? I just realized no one has seen my pic in at least 1 1/2 years. o.o

This post has been edited by PrizA: 02 March 2004 - 05:46 PM

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Posted 02 March 2004 - 05:47 PM

SolanaLein, on Mar 1 2004, 10:44 PM, said:

Everyone's hair is red, its different pigments that make other hair colours. People with red hair have no pigment.

explain why albino people say they have no pigments then?
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#29 User is offline   Avilion 

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Posted 02 March 2004 - 11:50 PM

MooBiuS, on Mar 2 2004, 06:47 PM, said:

explain why albino people say they have no pigments then?

she doesn't know what she's talking about. Just ignore her :(
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Posted 03 March 2004 - 03:30 AM

Blonde Joke: Anna Nicole =F

Why did the Blonde get fired from the M & M's factory?
She threw out all the ones with W on them.
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